Assyrian conquest as horror (or, me-as-a-child reading a history book and learning about debt bondage)

(Originally posted elsewhere on 11 October 2025.)

Once, as child of about twelve years old, gossiping about Bride of Frankenstein (1935) and Alien (1979) being among my fave movies. This prompted an adult to ask something to the effect of: “Not too scary? What ARE you scared of?” I said off-handedly: “Assyrian Empire.” I had just read about how brutal they were as conquerors after had gotten really into this “children’s” illustrated history book that showed a hypothetical mock scene of earlier Hittites besieging a subdued vassal state village in the illustration meant to highlight their “innovation” in “strategy” and metallurgy. And I thought “wow that’s scary” but turned the page and learned more about Assyrian state-building and enslavement and there were water-colored rather-accurately-dressed-for-the-period people screaming and fleeing the flames while stern-faced soldiers of Ashurnasirpal counted stolen agricultural produce. And I was like “wow THAT’S scary.”

Here’s a (really bad!) image of one of those pages which disturbed me, from: Jane Bingham and Fiona Chandler, The Usborne Internet-Linked Encyclopedia of World History (Usborne Pub Ltd, 2003).

And in this trajectory or succession of empire-swallowed-by-larger-empire-swallowed-by-even-larger-empire, didn’t consciously understand the gravity at that time but book’s overview of Assyria/Babylonia also introduced me to concept of debt bondage and the legal captivity of being stuck in place, mobility disallowed, in an abusive work environment to pay off debt and now I still find that very, very scary.

Here’s the text of the inscription on “The Banquet Stele” from near the throne room of the Kalhu palace, with Ashurnasirpal II (king from 883 to 859 BCE) describing his banquet:

[This is] the palace of Ashurnasirpal, [...] the favorite of Anu and Dagan [who is] destruction personified among all the great gods – the legitimate king, the king of the world, the king of Assyria [...], the heroic warrior who always acts upon trust-inspiring signs given by his lord Ashur and [therefore] has no rival among the rulers of the four quarters [of the world]; the shepherd of all mortals, not afraid of battle [but] an onrushing flood which brooks no resistance; the king who subdues the unsubmissive [and] rules over all mankind. [...] [T]he king who [...] therefore has personally conquered all countries [...]. [H]e takes hostages, triumphs over all countries [...] from beyond the Tigris to Lebanon and the Great Sea, he has brought into submission [...]. Ashur, the Great Lord, has chosen me and made a pronouncement concerning my world rule with his own holy mouth [as follows]: Ashurnasirpal is the king whose fame is power! [...] I took over again the city of Calah in that wisdom of mine [...]. [U]pon that I erected as my royal seat and for my personal enjoyment 7 beautiful halls [roofed with] boxwood, Magan-ash, cedar, cypress, juniper, boxwood and Magan-ash with bands of bronze; [...] to proclaim my heroic deeds I painted on walls with vivid blue paint how I have marched across the mountain ranges, the foreign countries and the seas, my conquests [...]. I dug a canal from the Upper Zab River; I cut straight through the mountains [...]. [I collected and planted in my garden] from the countries through which I marched [...]. In the gardens in [Calah] they vied with each other in fragrance [...]. Ninurta and Palil, who love me as [their] high priest, handed over to me all the wild animals and ordered me to hunt [them]. I killed 450 big lions; I killed 390 wild bulls from my open chariots in direct assault as befits a ruler; I cut off the heads of 200 ostriches as if they were caged birds; I caught 30 elephants in pitfalls. [...] I added land to the land of Assyria [...]. When Ashurnasirpal, king of Assyria, inaugurated the palace of Calah, a palace of joy and [erected with] great ingenuity, [...] [he prepared a banquet of] 1000 fattened head of cattle, 1000 calves, 10000 stable sheep, 15000 lambs [...], 500 stages, 500 gazelles, 1000 ducks, 500 geese, 500 kurku-geese, 1000 mesuku-birds, 1000 qaribu-birds, 10000 doves, 10000 sukanunu-doves, 10000 other [assorted] small birds, 10000 [assorted] fish, 10000 jerboa, 10000 [assorted] eggs,…10000 [jars of] beer, 10000 skins with wine [...]. When I inaugurated the palace at Calah I treated for ten days with food and drink [...] altogether 69574 invited guests from all the [mentioned] countries [...].

Okay, fuck you for real.